


It Takes Four

by Stulot



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Co-Parenting, Dogs, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Surrogacy, it's not too bad don't worry, the baby talk got to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 12:07:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9439532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stulot/pseuds/Stulot
Summary: Vic and Adam have been trying for a baby for a really long time now. Aaron wants to help."It's just a bit of sperm". He's got plenty, what's the big deal in sharing some?A story about ovulation, dogs and longing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea in my head for a really long time where I'd love to see Aaron become Vadam's sperm donor haha.  
> I doubt it will become canon so I wrote it instead. Although... it took another turn...
> 
> I know nothing of adoption, surrogacy, IVF or births. Just enjoy it anyway ;)
> 
> Thank you to sugdensquad for the beta work!

The idea doesn't come to him overnight. Or even a few days. It's been growing for a long time now. He's been standing as a spectator on the sideline really, seeing their struggles, listening to Adam cry into his shoulder in frustration, watching the brave smile Vic puts on every time it comes up in conversation. It makes his heart ache. During all that, he's been nursing the idea and now it's grown into this thing of certainty, big enough that he really should tell Robert about it.

"You what?" The bottle of beer drops from his husband's lips, leaving a small wet patch on the green sofa. He stares back at him in shocked disbelief.

Aaron goes for the remote, mutes a re-run of The Office. "You heard me" he says, sinking down next to Robert. "I really think it could help them". That's all he really wants. Up til now, he's felt so useless. 

"You even sure they'd accept?" There's an edge of upset to Robert's voice and he doesn't need to say anything for Aaron to know he thinks his idea is crazy.

He wipes his hands against his knees, trying to dry away the sudden clamminess. "No idea." He shakes his head. "Worth a try though." He blinks, casting Robert a hopeful look. He needs to at least try. 

Robert doesn't say anything else, takes another swig from the beer bottle. "You need to think about this. I need to think about this".

It's his sister and it might bring all kinds of weird. Aaron gets that. Still, "I have". 

 

..

 

Adam snorts with amusement and Vic laughs, gently grasping his arm as she pushes past on her way to the kitchen, determined to help out with the dishes. "Yeah ok Aaron, that's sweet. I've always dreamt of having another go with you," she says with a wink, making Robert in particular groan in indignation. 

"Ah my ears!" Adam shouts after her as he slaps his hands over his ears, chasing the jest away with a proper belly laugh.

They've invited them over for tea, and made sure Liv is out of the house. It's Saturday and neither of them have to be up early the next day; Aaron even called the pub to make sure Vic wasn't doing a shift. They have plenty of time to talk if they need to.

Aaron looks at Robert folding his arms, his shoulders rolling back as he clenches his jaw in that way he does when he's fed up with something. Then, he takes a deep breath; his chest puffed and mouth stern as he looks between the pair and Aaron can't help himself from thinking how sexy he looks right then. In an exhale, Robert's shoulders fall forward again and Aaron notes how much smaller he suddenly appears. Tired. "Guys. He's serious".

That has Adam sobering enough to sit up straight in the chair, face suddenly etched by hardness. "Mate don't joke about this. It's not funny," he says, a seriousness to his voice Adam rarely displays.

Aaron shakes his head. "I'm not. I wouldn't do that to you."

Vic has come back from the kitchen. Now she stands at the edge of the room, shocked into silence. That rarely happens either.

"Babe, come here." Adam reaches out an arm for her and soon he's got it wrapped around her waist and his head pressed against her body. Aaron detects the tears threatening to spill from both their eyes. "We need to think about this," Adam says, wiping a hand down his face, emitting a nervous chuckle as it reaches his chin, which he holds in a pinch. "I mean, this is a bit crazy though." Then he looks at his wife whose tears have started to fall and he quiets.

"We've got all night to talk", Robert says across the table. Their eyes shift to him, like he's some lighthouse in their stormy sea of emotions. He's certainly been Aaron's more times than he can recall. 

"I'm not sure we could ever repay you", Vic whispers, biting at her lip. 

He's not sure what kind of reactions he was expecting from his friends but the idea of them needing to repay him in any way never even crossed his mind. That's not why he's doing it. 

He shrugs his shoulders, "It's just a bit if sperm." He's got plenty, what's the big deal in sharing some?

 

..

 

It takes two weeks until Adam one morning pulls him into a hug outside the portacabin.

"We've decided to try with your offer. 's gonna be weird mind" he chuckles, breath hot against Aaron's neck.

Aaron can feel himself go rigid in Adam's arms, an intense heat cramping around his heart. What has up til now been a fantasy, a mad idea at best is now- "So this is really happening then", he says, nervousness leaking into his voice.

Adam immediately pushes away from him, face worried and eyes disheartened. "You haven't changed your mind have you?"

"No, course not. Don't be daft." Aaron slaps his gloves against his best mate's chest and swallows back the vibrations in his voice. There's nothing he wouldn't do for him. Including this - especially including this. He deserves to become a dad, and Vic a mum. They will be great parents.

"It's not like you need it yourself!" Adam laughs.

Aaron's face scrunches up. "Shurrup." He hits him again, harder on the shoulder this time.

He knows it's meant as a harmless joke, a bit of banter between friends, and yeah, maybe Adam's right; he doesn't need it for himself. It's not like Robert and he can try for one themselves. It's not like they've even talked about having kids, not in any context that's been serious at least. Besides, they always have their hands full with Liv. 

It's a joke but it hurts more than he expects.

..

Just having started her period, Vic won't ovulate until a couple of weeks. That's really more than either he or Robert want to know when she pops round after work to let them know they're still allowed sex for now. 

“What do you mean no sex? Why haven't I been told of this?” Robert's childish cry echoes between them before Victoria tuts and rolls her eyes. 

“To save the good ones for me, obvs.” 

She's also printed a bunch of papers she's found online that she shoves into Aaron's arms. "It's contracts and that. To make sure things don't get complicated", she explains, lips pressed into a thin line, a little apprehensive.

Later that evening, Robert's propped up against the headboard of their bed, wetting a finger before flipping another page. He's wearing a concentrated look behind his reading glasses - they're new and a lot sexier than Robert believes when Aaron insists on it. 

"You look serious", Aaron remarks as he gets into bed, picking up his phone to set an alarm. 

"Aaron, this is serious. You do realize that right?" It's not so much annoyance he detects in his voice as deep concern. The kind that has mostly been reserved for Liv after finding out she has skipped school for a whole week. Which has happened more than once now. 

He still gets upset though and retorts, irritated: "Course, I'm not an idiot."

"And you'll be completely fine seeing a kid that's yours running around the village will you? Who might even look like you, and knowing you have no claim over it or that you're not allowed to say anything? That's what these entail you know?" He shakes the papers slightly, trying to put some point across.

"I know", he says, composed. He's surprisingly calm about it. He just wants to help their friends. "It's not like I need it for myself," he echoes Adam's words, only now they sound like he has something to prove.

Robert dips his chin slightly, silencing, "We'd better tell Liv then", he mumbles, flipping through the contract again.

Aaron frowns, sits up until the duvet falls from his chest. "You're ok with it right?" He hates how much of an afterthought it must sound like. 

Robert glances at him quickly, shrugs. "Sure. It's not like it's my kid anyway".

Maybe his mind is messing with him but he can swear there's something sad in his voice. Neither say anymore; Robert keeps reading and Aaron falls asleep in the faint glow of his reading lamp.

 

..

 

With Dan off on a holiday with Kerry, Cain's roped him into helping out around the garage for a few days. He doesn't mind. It's a nice change from the scrapyard, even if Cain's a lot surlier than Adam. Then again, all the baby talk has been getting a bit much lately so a break is welcomed. 

"So... sunshine", Cain starts. He has his head under the hood of a rusty Toyota that Aaron reckons would be more fit for the scrapyard. "Heard you're selling man yogurt now. Things must be desperate." He smiles lopsided, loosening the oil cap. 

It takes a few seconds before Aaron understands what he's talking about but when he does he pulls a face at him because; eww. "I'm not selling anything. Just trying to help" he snarls back. "Who told you?" 

"Sugden."

"I wish you'd stop calling him that. Besides, when did you two become friends?" A year into their marriage and Robert's still wary around Cain, despite having been given the proper Dingle initiation in the form of a welly full of ale.

"He stopped by. I wasn't supposed to say", he answers, standing up straight again. 

Aaron shakes his head and huffs out a sound that's already way past annoyed. "And what, you're supposed to talk me out of it?!" he shouts, throwing a wrench at the concrete floor that has Cain sidestepping. 

"Alright, calm down will ya!" Cain stares unimpressed at the discarded tool. "He came here because he was concerned about ya. Asked what it felt like seeing Kyle around the village."

They have all given up trying to get Cain to accept him as one of their own. "That's different", Aaron mumbles, his temper settling somewhat. 

"Maybe", Cain nods. "Still a kid with the same DNA as mine. Just like Vic and Adam's would be." He sighs deeply, leans against the ratty old Toyota and rubs at his chin that's stained with oil. "It's not as easy as you think."

It's more of an acknowledgment than they have ever gotten before. "Works for you."

Cain draws in his lower lip between his teeth, grimacing, his eyes narrowing. "Not so sure it would for you though."

He doesn't know why he's so offended, but he is. "So what are you saying? That I'm weak?"

"No" Cain shakes his head, looking at him seriously. "I'm saying you're human."

 

..

 

He doesn't think about it much for the next few days but it doesn't take long before he's pulled into some sort of intervention from his mum and Paddy tag teaming on him in the backroom of the pub.

"Let me guess, Robert's been to see you."

"We're just a bit worried mate."

"Well don't be. Besides, the papers are already signed."

It's like he's suddenly five years old again and incapable of making his own decisions. Apparently.

A little later, he slams their front door at the Mill and Liv jumps up from the sofa.

"Oh-oh. Good luck", she tells Robert, hurrying up the stairs, her hand dug deep in a bag of crisps. She's lived with them long enough to know when to stay away.

"Right, before you say anything, I'm only looking after you", Robert immediately defends himself, his eyes tracking Aaron to where he comes to stand between him and the TV.

"You do know I can actually think for myself right?" Robert opens his mouth to say something but he's too riled up to let him. "How come everyone thinks this is the worst possible idea? I have thought about it, despite what you lot think!" he shouts, gesturing wildly with his hands.

"That's alright then, as long as you're happy", Robert yells, almost lifting out of his seat.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Robert sinks back on the sofa, a tight fist against his mouth. "Nothing."

"Either stop interfering or start talking. It's up to you", he says, backing away.

He's halfway through the kitchen when Robert comes after him. "It'd be like my kid too you know."

Aaron blinks a few times, trying to figure out the logic but fails. "No it wouldn't."

"You're my husband. Course it would."

"Didn't think you cared", he says a lot calmer than a second ago, pressing just enough to get a reaction. 

“Well I just...I-” Robert falls silent. "Dunno. S'not like we're ever gonna have 'em", he says nonchalant, shifting in mood. "Imagine us as dads, that'd be a disaster." He snorts a chuckle that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Yeah. Exactly. It'd be weird", Aaron answers and they look at each other, smiles on both faces that tries convincing the other.

 

..

 

"But, like, how would you do it?" Liv asks with careful curiosity when they're on their way to David's. Robert is late home from work and it's his turn to cook. Liv has offered to help and that usually involves her wanting something. Now he understands why.

"Erhm", he stutters, not prepared for the question. He's pretty sure she knows all about the birds and the bees, she's not a kid. "Well, we wait for Vic to start you know... ovulating" he stumbles over the word. "And then you know I, I..." he rolls his hand around repeatedly, sudden flashbacks bringing him back to an attempted discussion about periods on the Woolpack sofa, "... deliver".

"Well I figured that much out. Jeez Aaron", she tuts, shaking her head.

"Well what do you wanna know then?" he says, both a bit embarrassed and miffed.

"Are you gonna have sex with her?"

"No!" he yells so quickly he ends up with air down the wrong pipe. “No”, he coughs out. 

"Alright, I was just asking", Liv huffs, pulling the shop door open so quickly she stumbles into Leo who falls backwards.

Aaron's immediately down on the ground, helping his godson up. "You alright there mate? Better watch out for auntie Liv, she doesn't watch where she's going."

Leo chuckles slightly before sticking out his tongue at Liv, prompting Aaron to do the same.

"Leo, don't do that. Don't teach him bad behavior Aaron", Rhona complains half-committedly.

They both turn to her, sticking their tongues out. Aaron wraps an arm around Leo's tiny frame. "I'll see you later yeah", he says and holds a fist in front of Leo, waiting for him to bump it just like he's taught him. 

 

..

 

Liv's up in her room studying, or so she claims. At least that's what Snapchat tells him. Even though he's not a big fan of all the social media fuss he's grateful there's at least one line of communication open. Robert's disappeared upstairs too, doing god knows what.

It means he's alone at the kitchen table, procrastinating from doing the dishes (Robert cooked and Liv is skiving). Instead he's online, scrolling through a homepage for a dog rescue centre in Leeds.  
Page after page is filled with dogs looking for a new home and no matter how many times he looks through them, he always seems to be drawn back to a 6-year old Bordercollie named Zeppo. It has black fur and eyes that appear a little weary but it looks like it's smiling; tongue hanging out at the side.

Sure, it's a complete spur of the moment idea, but suddenly there's not even a hint of hesitation in his mind that they'll go to Leeds in the morning and bring him home. Caught up in his plans, he brings his laptop upstairs, ready to tell Robert about their new dog. The thought of him saying no doesn't even cross his mind. 

"Rob-" he turns the handle of their bedroom door but doesn't get very far. 

"No, no, no", Robert rushes up to him, pushing him out of the room. "You can't see yet."

"What's going on?" he frowns, trying to peek over Robert's shoulder. He's sure there's some new smell he doesn't recognize and he sniffs suspiciously, nose turned up in the air. 

"It's a surprise. Go back downstairs!"

Liv's door opens then and music spills into the hallway before the teenager emerges, eyes glued to her phone. She looks up at them as if she's only just realized they're looking at her. "Have you seen my charger?"

"You have to keep track of it yourself Liv", Robert sighs and mutters because it's not like it's the first time they've heard the question. Before Aaron can respond that he thinks he saw it under the coffee table, his phone rings.

It's Adam. There was a time when a call from his best mate on a Friday evening wouldn't have been so surprising but now as they both have a family, it has become unusual. His heart beats faster as he answers.

"Can you come over? It's time." Aaron thinks Adam's voice sounds a bit too excited for someone whose wife is about to have another man's sperm inseminated. He shivers and chases the thought away; it's just a little bit too weird to think about. 

"I'll be right over" he says, noticing both Robert and Liv prick up their ears, silencing next to him.

"That was... I have to go", he says after they hang up and even though subtle, he can see the way Robert's face drops. "You can join me, maybe help me out" he suggests, biting his lip, an eyebrow arched and hopeful. 

"Eeww!" Liv shouts, rushing down the stairs, covering her ears.

Robert wrinkles his nose, backing away a little from him. "Nah. Better you do it alone." He pauses. "Guess sex is off limits for the next few days then." Vic's been talking about it way too much, Aaron wouldn't be surprised if all the usual Woolpack punters know she's put a sex ban on them.

"Guess so", Aaron smiles, eyes apologetic. 

 

..

 

When he gets home, he finds blown out candles scattered in their bedroom. Robert has fallen asleep with his glasses balancing on the tip of his nose; a book open across his chest. The sweet smell he'd sensed earlier is still palpable. There's an unopened bottle of massage oil on Robert's nightstand and he realizes what the surprise had been about. He's been complaining about an aching shoulder for the past week and now he feels guilty for missing the sweet gesture.

Carefully, he takes the book from Robert's hands, folds down a corner to mark the open page. Robert hates that, says it ruins the books. The bookmark is probably hiding somewhere under the duvet but he doesn't feel like looking.

It's not until he takes the glasses from him that he stirs and blinks awake, a confused crease settled between his eyes before they focus on Aaron. "How did it go?"

"Yeah alright, left Vic with her legs up in the air", he laughs softly, then realizes how weird it must sound. "She read it might help, you know for the-" he starts gesturing but stops. "Nevermind. Go back to sleep". He leans in for a tender kiss when Robert's already snoring. Aaron has laid awake countless times listening to that sound. The steady rhythm has been his comfort blanket during those nights when his nightmares aren't violent enough to wake his husband.

His computer is still in the same place where he'd left it in the hallway and he suddenly remembers what he'd been looking at. Zeppo. The abandoned dog. Unwanted and discarded. He'll have to talk to Robert about it in the morning.

In the bathroom, he squeezes out some toothpaste. “Do you have to use your whole damn fist Aaron, you push from the top!" he can hear Robert's words, but still does that thing that drives him crazy. Aaron doesn't understand the problem. It's not like he's leaving hairbrushes filled with hair wherever like Liv. Now that's truly irritating. He closes the bathroom cabinet, looks at himself in the mirror as he sticks the tooth brush into his mouth. He doesn't look as tired as he used to he reflects. Elated more like. 

Just a little over an hour ago, he'd been in another bathroom, jerking off into a cup. Handing it off to Adam. The thought makes him chuckle; guess his best mate has seen it all now.

Then it hits him and it's like taking a fucking sledgehammer to the chest. How it could have already have happened. How Vic could be pregnant with his baby. But it's not though and he can't think like that. But no matter how hard he tries it's all his mind circles back to like some damn broken record.

So he thinks of Zeppo instead. Of all the toys and bones they'll buy him. How he deserves to be spoiled rotten. How they'll take turns walking him, not even Liv can say no to that.

Then something sour clogs in his throat and Kyle's face is there. Equally unwanted as Zeppo and he barely has time to open the lid of the toilet before he's ill, heaving the contents of his stomach into the bowl. Shaking and sweating, he breathes heavily, waiting for another round but it seems to let go as quickly as it came.

"You ok?" Robert stands leaning against the door frame, arms folded. He hates people being sick and won't come near, Aaron knows that and doesn't expect more sympathy.

"Must be the fucking scampi, everyone knows there's no point in eating seafood unless you're at the coast."

Robert's already filling a glass of water for him. "Mm, must be", he says, holding the glass by his fingertips around the rim, waiting for Aaron to take it. "Both Liv and I are fine though. Funny that."

"A bug then", Aaron snarls back but takes the glass gratefully. 

Robert's expression is stoic. "Yeah, must be."

 

..

 

The conversation about Zeppo never happens and the next time he goes to browse the page, he's gone. The lost imagined life with a dog that was never his shouldn't sadden him but it does. Too much. 

He goes over to Vic and Adam's a couple more times, gives them what he's promised. They're happier than they have been in a long time and it seems like he's finally found a proper way to help.

No one is trying to talk him out of it anymore. At least that's something.

He's offered to walk one of the dogs from the vet surgery, looking to fill some sort of void that keeps clinging to him like a dirty scab. Paddy's pushed a chihuahua with a broken leg into his arms so it's not so much walking as it is carrying.

"I thought you'd give me a proper dog", he half-heartedly complains.

He doesn't mind. Not when he can still the little bundle's jitters by pressing it tight to his chest.

Apart from a couple of kids cheering, the village is quiet. He walks down the gravelled road leading to the village hall. The new building has finally started to settle in to its surroundings, the coat of paint has lost some of its shine. It looks better this way.

He hadn't planned on stopping, but the playground opposite the house pulls him in. There are several kids there, Harriet standing on the side supervising them along with a couple of parents. He doesn't recognize either of them and figures they're all there for activities the church organizes. He probably should go; before he's perceived as some sort of perve staring at them.

Then the nausea is there again and he swallows down the sour lump in his throat, willing it to settle. For some reason, a couple of tears shed. He presses the dog closer and stares at the kids running around. Then he looks down, at the small being cradled in his arms.

Shit.

 

..

 

Kids.

The thought of him ever having his own is pushed back so far in his mind that most times he doesn't even dare bring it forward because the probability of it all is so slim. Sure, Robert and he have brushed on the subject once or twice but never in the same sentence where humour hasn't been the biggest player, and never as a thing that could actually ever happen.

In what reality is there even a point to dream about kids? Perhaps in one where he doesn't have a criminal past, bound to make things difficult. Where he isn't gay that comes with its own set of obstacles. But maybe most of all; where he isn't still carrying around deep scars from his childhood. What kind of chances would any kid of his have?

Kids aren't for people like him.

There's always room to be someone's uncle or the cool godfather. That's really as far as he allows himself to think.

 

..

 

Vic doesn't become pregnant and now they have to wait a little short of a month before they can try again. 23 days to be exact. Aaron knows all about that stuff now.

Meanwhile, the whirlwind of emotions settles in his mind and he and Adam are back to talking about everyday things instead of him being told what to eat to improve his sperm count. He knows all about that too now. Goji berries and dark chocolate apparently.

With the laptop on his knees, he's settled on the sofa with a pillow behind his head, resting against Robert's side.

"Rob?"

"Mm?"

He's found an Australian Shepherd with spots in its fur that he has set his eyes on. It's from the same centre as before and it reminds him of Zeppo. This one is named Groucho and Aaron imagines one of the staff members must have a thing for the Marx Brothers. He's lived with Paddy long enough to know all about them.

"With that name? No wonder you like him", Robert teases and the way he looks at him when Aaron smiles up at him, he knows Robert can't resist it. 

Two days later he's adding dog food to their grocery list.

 

..

 

"He's so cute!" Liv exclaims excitedly as she meets their new family member.

Groucho is still a bit wary when she comes to give him a cuddle and he strokes up against Aaron's leg. He's already managed to pee on the rug in a couple of places from anxiety of his new surroundings. Robert hasn't even raised an eyebrow over it and Aaron knows he likes the dog more than he lets on. 

He's phoned Adam to tell him he's taking the rest of the week off to get Groucho settled. He's also arranged for Paddy to give him an extra see to in the morning.

"A bit thin, but I'm sure you can fix that", Paddy says, chuckling. "Otherwise he looks fine."

Doesn't stop Aaron from being doting and going overboard, making sure Groucho has everything he needs.

"You're spoiling that dog you know", Robert tells him but Aaron doesn't really care. He deserves it after everything he must have been through.

It doesn't really fix anything though. There's still an unsettling void in the pit of his stomach at the end of each day.

 

..

 

The next time he gets a call from Adam - that call -, he's caught up in throwing a stick for Groucho to chase after in front of the cricket pavilion. The dog eagerly runs back and forth, tongue dangling out the side of his mouth, turning the small stick into a sloppy mess.

It's fun and relaxing and he doesn't really want to leave but duty is calling after all. Besides, they deserve this. They need him. 

It takes him such a long time Adam finally pounds on the door wondering if everything's alright.

"I'll call Robert", he can hear Vic's impatient voice mumble to Adam.

"Uhm, no thanks!" he shouts back. "It's not always easy doing it on command you know." It's a bad excuse really. "Especially not with you two listening!"

He can hear Adam laughing. "Soz mate. I'll go turn up some music so you can watch a porno."

Hilarious.

He doesn't want to look at porn. He wants to stick his finger down his throat and empty his queasy stomach.

 

..

 

He wakes with a jolt, already in a full panic attack. He swings his legs over the edge of the bed and pushes his head between his legs like he's been taught.

It doesn't take long before Groucho is next to him, emitting small whimpers of concern. They'd argued about letting him stay in the bedroom with them but now he's grateful he took that battle. His breathing comes in hitched, wheezing attempts but abates somewhat when his fingers dig through the thick fur and he can feel the steady rhythm of Groucho's heart.

"Hey, hey, it's ok", comes the soothing voice of his husband, a hand gently rubbing the small of his back. It's been a long time since he asked what's wrong.

Most times it's about the same thing as always, other times he doesn't even know. But this time it's as clear as day. And it breaks him apart, shallow breaths soon replaced with heaves in tears. What a fucking mess he's made.

Both Groucho and Robert press closer to him and the dog's nerves seem to ease a little at seeing Robert awake.

"I've made a mistake. I've fucked up. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I do want one", he cries in a stutter like Robert is supposed to be able to decipher his train of thought and know everything he's been thinking for the last month or so.

Thing is, he does.

 

..

 

There's really no point in going back to bed after that and they both pad quietly downstairs, careful not to disturb Liv. Groucho follows, worriedly turning his head up at them over and over again.

Robert goes to put the kettle on and Aaron curls up on the sofa, the dog immediately following, pushing its snout into his lap.

In a feeble attempt, Aaron tries to collect his thoughts, work out some sort of speech he can use to tell them both he'll be fine in a couple of days. Deep down though, he knows he doesn't really want to forget and move on. Not this time. 

"Right", Robert says, placing the two cups on the table, trying to initiate some sort of conversation. His voice is vigilant and he sighs deeply like he's not really sure of what to say at all. It's not like Robert. "I thought it was off the table. It is kids we're talking about right?"

The question is innocent and he knows there's really no reason to be annoyed but he finds his temper rises even so. "No Robert, it's about what hoover to get. Don't be stupid." Groucho pushes himself further onto his lap, leaving more empty space around Robert on the sofa. He looks as alone and lost as Aaron feels.

Robert's looking at him as if he expects him to say something. Explain. Expressing what he feels on a good day is hard. This is nearly impossible. 

It takes a really long time before he comes up with words that will make sense. "I don't want to be left on the outside looking in anymore", he finally says. Maybe he doesn't deserve it. But it's what he wants.

 

..

 

"Say something.”

"I'm..." Robert's fingers grip the windowsill, the tips turning red and angry. Staring out, he shakes his head, his shoulders falling in a sigh.

The tea's gone and Groucho has gone back to sleep. The morning is still too early for any activity outside and the village remains cloaked in darkness. 

"You need to tell Vic." Robert turns around, folding his arms. "She could already be pregnant Aaron."

"That's not what I asked.”

"Well it's not about us right now. It's about what this will do to my sister! And your best mate." Robert tilts his head to the floor, staring wide-eyed in front of himself. "You need to tell them right now."

 

..

 

"Ok."

"Ok?!" Adam shoots out of his chair and Aaron hates the look of pain in his eyes. More so, he hates the look of defeat in Vic's.

"She could already be pregnant you know, you thought about that?!"

"Course I have." Aaron can't bare to look at him. His legs bob anxiously.

"So what's the plan here then, you're just gonna fight the contract or something?!" Adam's shouting. He has every right to, Aaron thinks and fights not to sink into himself in shame, but face his own mess. 

Robert sits quiet next to him. 

"No", he shakes his head. "I'd have to find a way to cope...I know I promised... I just can't-" Crying is the last thing he wants right now, having no desire of turning this into some pity fest for himself, but his voice falters and he has to stop to collect himself. 

"You should go." Adam's voice comes out of a fog and he doesn't really react. Not until Robert grips his arm, pulling him up. 

 

..

 

Vic doesn't become pregnant this time either. He breathes a sigh of relief even if the guilt of his reaction tears him in two. Because it's just not fair. None of it is.

 

..

 

Adam avoids him for weeks. He can't really blame him. Vic says she understands. Says she can't be mad if it's something he wants for himself. Understands it better than anyone maybe, she says.

Even so, things are tense between them and he tries to make himself scarce whenever she comes over, knowing she wants Robert anyway.

They're on the verge of spring and naively enough, Aaron thinks maybe a change in season will change his feelings. Maybe all the winter darkness has made him think too much.

It doesn't. If anything it just makes it worse.

Robert and he talk about it a few times. Children. But that's where it stops; talking. He doesn't want to push. Doesn't want to ruin what they do have.

Liv's out on a walk with Groucho, a break from studying for her exams she claims, but Aaron's not stupid enough to not know about the way she's been smiling and blushing at the frequent texts she's been getting lately. Her phone has been pinging so much at the dinner table he's threatened to throw it out more than once. However, she seems to attend school more which is good and at least Groucho gets some air while she meets up with whoever it is that she's meeting.

Robert has a thing for slamming doors behind him, if he's aware or not Aaron's not sure but it rattles the walls all through to the living room when he gets home from work.

"Aaron!?"

"In here!"

He looks disheveled, hair on end and face a little red as if he's been running. He still has his jacket on when he comes rushing in to the living room.

Aaron pushes his feet off the coffee table and brushes some crumbs away as he sits up. "What's the matter?"

"Ok, look." Robert starts pacing suddenly, gesturing sweepingly with his hands. "If we're doing this, we need to be prepared. It can be really tough, you know. You wouldn't believe some of the stories I've read." He has it all rattled off in one breath when he stops to look at him. "Are you really up for that?"

Aaron's eyebrows knit and he feels nothing but confusion. "What are you on about?" 

"I'm talking about this!" Robert puffs annoyed and pulls out a bunch of various brochures and leaflets in all kinds of shapes and sizes from his bag. 

Aaron stares at all of them spread out on their coffee table next to his empty mug; adoption, surrogacy, foster homes. His eyes keep dotting between Robert and the table. He's too shocked to say anything. Too afraid to maybe.

Robert talks instead. A little calmer. "I've done a lot of thinking. Talked to Vic. Talked to a place in Leeds. I didn't say anything cause I wanted to sort it out for myself first before getting your hopes up." Aaron's eyes focus on him now, even though Robert is suddenly behind a blurry veil. "And you know, I'm not getting younger. And yeah I guess what I'm saying is that yes...I want a kid too."

The room falls silent before Aaron whispers: "With me?" 

"Well I don't want one with the Pope! Of course with you", Robert tuts. "Never wanted anything like that with someone before", Robert admits quietly and soon Aaron's out of his seat and has his arms wrapped around him.

 

..

 

'Rejected' seems to be the most frequent word in their vocabulary now.

Aaron has got a record and even though the agencies don't object their application, all the mothers so far have. Regardless of the letters Chas and Paddy have written about them.

They're on waiting lists for both surrogates and adoption, the latter being limited by countries who refuse adoption to same sex couples.

Adam and Vic have been approved for IVF.

Both's options aren't really working for them and somewhere in their struggles they've found their way back to each other.

Some days it's easier to talk about it. Others, like this one when Aaron doesn't know who to blame but himself, he can't hold himself together while listening to Vic explain that they too are on a waiting list long enough to reach into next year.

"I'm sorry", he says, pushing his chair back, fleeing upstairs.

Robert finds him a little later. "They've gone home."

Aaron nods in acknowledgment but keeps staring at the TV. It's an escape of course, but he needs it to stay above surface, to keep himself sane.

They've been through it enough times that Robert doesn't need to ask to know he thinks it's all his fault. And even though he knows Robert is hurting too, he's laid no blame on Aaron. Not even at his angriest or most frustrated state.

Instead he slides onto the bed next to him, leans his head against his shoulder so Aaron can wrap an arm around him. As long as they have each other they'll be alright. But for now, they let themselves get lost in the sitcoms on rerun.

They just don't laugh much at them.

 

..

 

Groucho's favourite thing to do is go for a car ride and when Aaron asks him if they're gonna go pick Liv up - "go in the car?!" - the dog dances excitedly around him until Aaron has shrugged his jacket on.

They've talked about getting a second dog, one to keep Groucho company they kid themselves with. It's really just to fill an empty hole.

In between all the ups and downs and uncertainties that now colour their every day, life still goes on.

Both their jobs are going fine, profits are increasing at a slow but steady pace. Every corner of the Mill has been attended to with either a paintbrush or new skirting boards. Things are settled.

And Liv... Liv's got herself a girlfriend.

He pulls up next to the house of Tina's parents and sends Liv a text. He's been told off enough times to know it's not a good idea to ring the doorbell. But this time there's actually a reply: "Can you come in?"

He rolls down a window and leaves Groucho in the car, not knowing how well Tina's parents are around dogs. It's weird but he's actually never met them and he feels nervous walking up to the door. Technically he's her guardian, but the whole parents meeting parents thing feels just as awkward each time, like he's pretending to fit in to some adult world. 

It's Tina's mum who answers the door, her dad a little behind her, and his heart starts beating furiously hard. Suddenly it all makes sense why Liv had asked him in. Because Tina, he realizes, doesn't share the same skin colour as her parents and it's obvious she's been adopted. Liv must have talked to them about it. Explained their situation and now they want to talk to him because they want to help, maybe they know of some egg donor already or a surrogate who is waiting to help, or an adoption agency who's great for people like him. 

All those thoughts explode through his mind in the half a second it takes until Liv and Tina emerge in the hallway.

"Aaron guess what, Tina's parents have asked me to join them on their holiday!"

His face immediately drops. As excited as she is, Aaron can't radiate the same feelings back when he's brought down to reality again. In reality things are never that easy.

"We should have talked with you first, we got a little carried away", Tina's mum says apologetically.

"No..." Aaron shakes himself out of his thoughts, "It's fine. Course she should go." He smiles. But it's a strained one.

 

..

 

"Maybe we should stop." The words spill heavily from his mouth, infected and ugly.

They're sitting in their back garden they use way too little. Robert is throwing a stick for Groucho that he's been chasing after for the last half an hour. "No", he says, resolute and unfaltering, not taking his eyes off the dog.

"Robert..." Aaron sighs around the name.

"No. We're not giving up already. I'm not having it", he says standing, reaching out his hand for Groucho who returns, happily wagging his tail.

This is how it works now. One pulls when the other is too tired to push. They've become really good at taking turns, and if nothing ever comes out of this, at least they've learned that together they're stronger than they ever thought. 

Groucho passes by his feet and Aaron opens his closed arms to catch him in a cuddle but he brushes past him, half jumping around Robert. 

"I'm just tired", he says. They both are really. "At least let's go away, take our minds off things for a while."

Robert turns to him and sits down again. "Sounds like a plan."

"Want some company?"

They turn to see Vic standing behind them.

"I could use with a break myself."

 

..

 

They rent a villa in Tuscany for two weeks, just in the outskirts of Florence. It's not exactly Adam or his first choice but Victoria and Robert manage to convince them both that a house with a pool close to a vineyard is exactly what they need. At least it's warm and sunny so Aaron tries not to complain too much about the destination. 

Away from the noise of Emmerdale they all find themselves relaxing. Properly. On Robert's demand, they learn all about olive oils, and grapes and wines (at least the tasting is fun), and they eat way too much pasta and bread than really should be legal. Victoria drags them to the Museo Galileo in Florence and even Aaron can't deny that some of the old scientific instruments are rather cool. They spend plenty of days by the pool too, and he and Adam have a contest going on who can make the least amount of effort. No one wins, because Vic chases them out of the sun chairs come evening. 

On their last night under the gazebo they're four wine bottles in, enjoying themselves until the sunset has been well and truly replaced by a starry night, when Robert puts his foot in it. Because who else?

Vic and Adam are clearing the table when he stands, proclaiming he can't eat another thing. "This food baby is huge, I might pop out a real one soon", he laughs.

Aaron's mind is too clouded by wine and thinks nothing of it until Vic is there and Robert shamefully bows his head. "Sorry”, he mumbles, sitting down again.

"For god's sake, I'm not made of glass!" she waves her hand, snorting an intoxicating laughter. "I'm carrying one too", she says and pushes out her belly as far as it goes.

"Me and all", Adam laughs behind her, proudly slapping his swollen stomach.

Aaron rushes up, determined to bump his own stomach with Adam's.

Robert chuckles and soon joins them in a circle; food babies bumping in to each other.

They laugh loudly and freely. Until Vic abruptly stops, the corners of her mouth turned downwards. "We should do it", she says, looking each of them in the eye.

"What?" Robert's laugh still lingers in his voice, not having caught on to the way it's gone quiet.

"Get one together. A baby."

 

..

 

"Yes"

"Yes?"

"Yeah"

"Yes!"

There are things that shouldn't be decided on the spot. Some things you shouldn't agree on under the influence of too much Merlot in your system. Things that probably won't seem right once the morning rolls around, no matter how promising they had seemed the night before.

This isn't one of those things.

They laugh all the way through. At first when they scurry around, trying to find something that might work as an inseminating device.

"Eww, you're off your head!" Vic shouts at Adam when he holds up some weird bit of plastic tube.

Robert saves them by finding a funnel that ought to work.

Later they laugh as Robert fumbles to unbutton Aaron's jeans, almost tripping over himself as they lock themselves in their room. Despite all the alcohol he miraculously comes quickly. All thanks to Robert's tongue.

Then they laugh at the way Adam grabs the cup of sperm, dashing down the hallway shouting: "Precious cargo coming through!"

As if that wasn't enough Aaron and Robert fall down to a heap on the floor laughing their heads off when Adam screams from the bedroom: "Oh my god, I'm actually scraping the last bit out with my finger. Oh my god, it's still warm!"

"Just don't lick it!" Robert wheezes out and they are absolutely gone.

From the other side of the door, they can hear Vic dying of laughter as well.

The next day they fly back home, hungover - but happy.

 

..

 

They haven't even unpacked their bags before Robert's at his desk doing research and drawing up a contract that will work for the four of them; there aren't many for co-parenting so writing one themselves becomes necessary.

They had talked about it the whole way home, trying to work out all the details; how they can only register two as parents and would they really move a baby back and forth every week when it's so small? Neither of them want it to feel like the kid has two divorced parents. Robert suggests for Adam and Vic to move in with them for the first year or so since they have plenty of space. 

As exciting as it is (and overwhelming!) to think about it all, there aren't any guarantees for it to actually work and yeah, maybe they do get a little carried away with their plans.

Then again, the saying has always gone that third time's a charm. Neither one of them really dares to believe it when Vic shows them the stick:

'Pregnant'.

The second and the third one say the same.

 

..

 

They keep their lips sealed and even though Aaron suspects Liv might have sussed them out judging from their change in mood, she doesn't say. Outside their group, no one knows.

Vic isn't showing yet and they are still in the first trimester so there's really no reason to tell anyone. They're still very cautious. If anyone might start to figure things out, it's from the way he, Robert and Adam fuss over her.

They've decided to have their lunch away from the scrapyard and in the pub instead. Vic is working and she's convinced they just want to check up on her, "Frankly, it's getting ridiculous now. And annoying." Can anyone really blame them though?

When she comes out carrying a mountain of plates, Robert is immediately on his feet. "Can't you see she needs help!?" he yells at an indifferent Charity behind the bar.

"Uhm, excuse me, pulling a pint here", she gestures to the tap, making a snarling face before returning to her customer.

Robert practically jerks the plates out of Vic's hands.

"I can manage thank you."

"No you can't", Robert protests, grabbing a plate so abruptly it falls to the floor.

"Robert! Great help you are!"

"Eh, what's going on?" Chas emerges from the backroom, pointing to the mess on the floor.

Robert's on the floor, picking up the shards. "She was lifting too much and I was trying to help."

"Next time love, maybe don't eh", Chas retorts, unimpressed.

"Hang on", Charity says, suddenly very interested in the conversation. "It's only four plates, I've seen her carry way more."

Adam and Aaron are now standing next to the mess on the floor while Vic has gone to serve the food that made it out alive of Robert's death grip. The three of them shoot awkward glances between them.

It's enough for Chas to slap a hand over her mouth, "Oh my god."

Charity smiles satisfied, pointing a finger across the room, towards Vic, and as always she's the voice of discretion: "You're pregnant!"

And now the pub knows. Under other circumstances when it comes to having his private life out on display for the whole world to see, Aaron would have wanted to sink through the floor.

Now, he holds his head up high, and receives a small nod of go-ahead from Vic before he says: "Yeah. We are."

 

..

 

He doesn't want to be that person who constantly worries but he is and in the lead up to the first scan his worries are through the roof.

"I swear to god Aaron, if you're on that site again I'll destroy that laptop of yours! And your phone!" 

He quickly shuts the lid close before Robert gets into bed. "I'm not!" He was.

"Yes you were", Robert smiles gently, his threats already forgotten.

Aaron doesn't bother with looking guilty, instead he slides further down on the bed, pulling the duvet over his shoulders. "What if something goes wrong?"

"It won't."

"Things always do when you're happy long enough", he says staring up at Robert. "And I've never been this happy", he admits quietly, as if saying the words louder might jinx it. 

Robert moves forward until he's captured in his arms, face pressed against Robert's neck. "You and I are stable, so are Vic and Adam, we all have good jobs, we have a house with enough room for everyone. If something goes wrong we have all the strength and means to handle it. Together. But nothing will go wrong."

"How can you be so sure?"

Robert chuckles against the top of his head. "Because we've been through enough already. I know you don't think we deserve this, but we do. We do." Robert emphasizes, squeezing a little tighter. 

It's weird, Aaron thinks, that Robert considers them a stable couple but he's also right he realizes. Along the way, all, well most, of their arguments lessened and got replaced by some sort of normalcy. Maybe they do deserve it, everyone else seem to. It's just hard to believe sometimes. 

He slings his leg across Robert's, moves a little closer. Groucho jumps up on the bed and plants himself firmly behind Aaron's back, taking full advantage of the extra space that has opened up.

Between the steady rhythm of his two best friends' breathing, he falls into a peaceful sleep.

 

..

 

The nurse stares funnily at the four of them as they rush up to the nurses station, late because Robert had to change his shirt three times, "Not to look like an incestuous perv" apparently. 

Maybe it is a little awkward, wanting a kid with your sister but it's not like Robert is the biological father or they have some creepy love relationship between them. They're friends first and foremost, adapting to a cruel situation. Helping each other. Isn't that what siblings are for? 

"So, which of you is the father?" The doctor asks them after being ushered into a room by a second nurse.

If she's surprised she doesn't say. To help tame his reddening cheeks, Aaron concentrates on the fact that she's probably seen it all.

"Alright Victoria, let's see who's hiding in here shall we?" She squirts out a generous portion of gel onto her stomach. "I know, it's cold." Her voice is gentle, and she carries herself in the kind of way only the most professional of medical staff can. Aaron has always admired their soft and patient ways.

Adam's holding Vic's hand and he and Robert have their arms wrapped around each other's waists as they all wait with bathed breath. 

"Oh!" The doctor suddenly exclaims, "There's a strong heartbeat", she says and they all audibly relax. “You can see it right...there” she points to the screen and sure enough there is a pulsating movement in the blurry mass. 

That's their kid. 

He can't even begin to fathom that, that black and white blob is really theirs. Seeing the heartbeat makes it so real and surreal at once. He stands there in shock when he feels Robert's face press against the back of his shoulder and it takes him a second to notice he's wiping away tears. 

The doctor moves the probe across Vic's belly a few times more, seeming to circle over one spot in particular.

"Well...you're lucky to be four because you are going to have your hands full", the doctor says, drawing out her words while her eyes still remain focused on the screen. Then she turns to them with a massive grin on her face that makes Aaron's heart beat faster. "There are two beating hearts in there, you're having twins!"

Wait, what? Two of what?

 

..

 

Vic grows big quick, too big to work. Around week 30, she and Adam move in with them and they decide on a rotating schedule where someone is always at home with her.

Aaron frets that Liv will feel pushed aside but she assures him that, "I'm mostly at Tina's anyway, besides, how can I be jealous at my big brother's babies?" She hugs him then and Aaron can't help but notice how mature she's become in the last couple of years. He prides himself on the fact that at least a small part of that is down to him and Robert. It also gives him the confidence he very much needs at this point, having convinced himself he'll screw up badly.

"Of course you will love", Chas had laughed at him when he'd told her. "That's parenting for ya".

 

..

 

It happens late on a Tuesday night. Vic has fallen asleep on the sofa with Adam gently snoring next to her. On the armchair opposite himself, Robert's head falls forward and snaps back repeatedly as he drifts in and out of sleep.

Aaron's the only one alert enough to make it through to the credits rolling on the TV.

Vic stirs, frowning in her sleep and moves around to get comfortable. She's been doing that all evening and he thinks nothing of it until she sits up with a jolt, almost gasping for air. She looks around, appearing confused and a little afraid until she catches his eyes.

"Something's wrong Aaron. I can feel it", she whispers.

Quickly, he's at her side, hands stroking her arms. "Hey, hey, it's ok. We can call the doctor if you'd like?"

Vic places a hand on top of his to still it, holding her breath for a second. "Nah", she shakes her head. "Maybe it was a weird dream. I think it passed now. Might have been gas", she chuckles.

Aaron smiles. "Good. Let's have a cuppa yeah", he nods towards the kitchen, "leave these sleeping beauties alone".

Victoria nods gratefully at him and he offers his hands to help her stand.

He's only one step ahead of her when her fingers knot into his hoodie, pulling back.

"Aaron!" she hisses, face suddenly filled with panic. "I think my water just broke".

 

..

 

If he didn't admire Vic enough for everything that she is before, he certainly does now.

They're in the hospital and the contractions are about to reach the point when it's time to push. Because it's a twin birth, the team of midwives, nurses and doctors around them are almost twice as big as it would normally be. With them being two extra as well, the room is pretty crowded.

It's all a major whirlwind and the only one who seems to be the calm in the storm is Vic. The three of them are useless bystanders really, no matter how they try to guide in her breathing, massaging her back or dabbing her forehead with a cool cloth. It all seems so minor to the work she's doing.

Aaron's shook up and filled with awe and elation all at the same time.

"Alright Victoria, you're allowed to push now", the midwife says and shortly after Vic growls out as she cramps down hard on Adam and Aaron's hands which she's holding.

Aaron was certain he'd be the one to be a complete mess but on his right, on the other side of the bed, Adam is crying. And to his left, he can see Robert's eyes shot red, being a blubbering mess.

All Aaron can really focus on is Victoria and helping her in any way he can. Right now it seems to be offering his hand as a squeeze toy.

"Here's the head, you're doing fantastic Victoria", the midwife says a little while later and he has no idea how much time has lapsed by. "Anyone wants to see?"

This seems to shake Robert out of his trance. "You two might have seen it already but I am not looking at my sister's bits!"

"As if I'd let you!" Vic screams back "And you two can keep away too!"

It doesn't take long before a tiny gurgle is heard, soon breaking out into a loud scream, filling the room. It's the most beautiful sound Aaron has ever heard.

A little less than ten minutes later, it's joined by a second scream.

Before he knows it there's a perfect pink creature on Victoria's belly and another one being pressed between Aaron and Robert.

They're all crying and he can't even begin to describe what he's feeling but it's the most overwhelming feeling of his life. Nothing comes close.

"We've been waiting a long time for you", he whispers, looking down at this new person that has entered into their life.

He can feel Robert's head gently leaning against his then and he's consumed by the feeling of serenity washing over him. This is exactly how it was meant to be. The best decision of his life. And nothing can destroy that.

No matter what.


End file.
